THE GREATEST OLDIES OF ALL TIME ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Safety Committee Strikes Again! Due to my predictably-imprudent decision to stay up really late the night before, the last-minute misplacement of my keys, and the twenty minutes we spent driving furiously in the wrong direction, we arrived in the Magic City not quite in time to make it to Wedding Numero Uno. It was at that crucial cusp when our options were: to Kramer our way into the chapel, trying to mingle inconspicuously with the bridal party as they made their synchronized ways toward the altar, AS WELL AS minus a congratulatory card or gift; OR pick up a six-pack of Rolling Rock and take our sweet-ass time. The bride, Flammable (see before x2), was never positive that I would be able to make it at all, so I figured she wouldn�t care if I missed the ceremony, as long as I saw her at the party afterward, which was being held at the Holiday Inn where Nat, the other bride-to-be, was holed up for the weekend. So, we got to Reception Number One, and it was an OPEN BAR (this entry features much gratuitous drinking, BTW, but it�s BYOB, so stock up ASAP). I didn�t know that, at first, so I was pretty impressed when one of the bride�s buddies casually offered to get the table a round of drinks. Then Slippery When Wet offered me a swig of the Red Eye concoction that she and the bride�s mother were sneaking into empty champagne bottles. Then it was time to embarrass myself by attempting a VERY non-intuitive line dance. Then I consoled myself by smoorching back a few of the EIGHTY jello shots that Hot Oil, Loose Rock had made for the occasion. Suddenly it was last call, and time to call a cab, which arrived bearing Nat (aka Bride #2). She and I had a little drunkenly-incoherent scream-fest, through which the cabbie and Not So Secret Boyfriend patiently endured. Then we zoomed away to snore and refresh and prepare for Wedding Numero Deux. It was an outdoor ceremony, being held at the VFW. When we arrived, the bride strolled out of the club building in her magnificent empire-waist gown, holding a can of pre-nuptial beer and puffing away happily on a cigarette, glad to see us so that she could share the gossip: they had left the ring at the hotel, and would be substituting the maid of honor�s husband�s ring instead. The processional music was Ella Fitzgerald �At Last�, and the recessional was Sonny and Cher �I Got You Babe�. We moved indoors to enjoy the a/c, and almost immediately were presented with several complimentary drink tickets, courtesy of the bride�s father. Later in the evening, the bride herself invited me to join her in a drink from the keg reserved for the bridal party (I felt quite honoured), sneering matrimonially all the while at the puniness of the cups. It was the first time I didn�t cry upon leaving the city, because we are invited next year to accompany the Safety Committee on a trip to Las Vegas! I am very good at winning money from VLTs, so I�m pretty excited. I use the same eerie, paranormal powers that I used to SUMMON VANCE BACK FROM HIS WEEKLONG VACATION ONE ENTIRE DAY EARLY, one day more that he would be able to spend with his star-crossed love, Viola! NotSoSecret stopped by her desk to inquire as to how splendid it was to have Vance back, and she nodded her assent quite fervently. There were four separate unfortunate encounters between Vance and various groupies, but Viola stood her ground, recovering the upper hand by standing, casually but pointlessly, next to the nearby cabinets storing finished projects. When I ran into her at the end of the night, she was in high spirits, invigorated no doubt by the numerous visits she had paid to his cubicle/desk. My faith was shaken last week, but all it took were two back-to-back weddings, and I�m a believer in TrueLoveForever all over again!!! 1:27 a.m. - 2006-06-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOW PLAYING.......&&&&&&&&&&&& andsometimeswhy75 &&&&&&&&........... | |||
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